A Trip Back to the Pilot and Alternate Ending

"Diane, 11:30 a.m., February 24th. Entering the town of Twin Peaks."

     I've been wondering if something old can become new again. With the past firmly in the rearview - does it even matter to glance over my shoulder? The answer seems to be no - always move forward, don't look back, don't cling to nostalgia, as it really means nothing. Time is elusive, fleeting, and perhaps a trap that weights a person down. However, the past is also a building block. Like The Giant says, "A path is formed by laying one stone at a time." Perhaps, for me, that path will always lead back to Twin Peaks.

    I took some years away. I hoped in time when I returned I could recapture the magic of Twin Peaks again. That magic had faded a little. Constant overdosing on social media and community kind of dulled its light. The anticipation from when The Return was first announced in 2014 to when it aired in 2017 was a beautiful time. I jumped in head first. For the first time in my life I had a chance to share my secret die hard devotion with others of like mind, but one thing was lost in all the hubbub - the simple joy of getting swept into the story, mood, and mystery of Twin Peaks. Was it great fun? Oh my, yes - but, there is always a price to be paid for overindulgence. 

    The excess sort of broke my creative spirit, in addition to work and just life in general. It was my own fault of course, but for a time I burned out on the series and films of David Lynch. After years of writing, joining podcasts, attending events, online promoting, etc., I managed to tire of something I deeply loved. So, I decided to distance myself. I stopped watching, writing and posting about Twin Peaks. Even though I've maintained a presence online, I sort of left Twin Peaks and its world. I last watched the original series in 2017 leading up to The Return, and then binged The Return several times into 2018. After that, I tried to keep an online presence going, but once the pandemic hit in 2020, there was little gas left in my tank. 

    Perhaps I needed a trip to Big Ed's Gas Farm for extra fuel, but between the drama in our world and losing two of my beloved pets that year, my babies, I cared for little. I managed to finish one final piece for my blog called, Pinky's Dream - The Story of Crazy Clown Time, which was a fictional tribute to David Lynch's album of the same name. Writing that blog piece squeezed every drop of creativity from me. No one read it or cared about it but me, lol, which was fine, and to be expected, but I guess it put the preverbal pin my cushion.

    Twin Peaks had been a haven for me in my teens and early twenties. After discovering it on TV as a kid, I sought out the entire series on VHS. After which, I indulged every year or so in a solo binge watch, where I was able enter the world of Twin Peaks with a young open mind. There was something so precious and special about those first rewatches and the emotional impact it had on me. Even the so-called "bad" episodes in Season 2 - you know, the Little Nicky, Evelyn and James stuff that fans like to poke fun at, were fresh to me then. I never minded them. I loved all of Twin Peaks in its totality. Fire Walk With Me was also a huge anchor for me. Years ago I wrote a piece called, Laura Walked With Me, which detailed the film's impact on me. 

    It can be beautiful to reminisce. I could wax nostalgic about Twin Peaks all day, but I've already done that on this blog, and in other outlets, so I won't rehash the same old. Instead I recently decided to rewatch the pilot episode with the alternate ending to see if I could muster that same enthusiasm or some new enthusiasm, because there are always new takeaways to garner from the series. In doing so I realized the overarching takeaway was of extensive loss. Seeing the faces of so many actors that have passed was kind of hard to digest. 

    For the first time since his passing seeing, "Directed by David Lynch", in the opening credits made me cry. For some reason, despite feeling empty, Lynch's death didn't really hit me emotionally until I saw that. I think because in that moment I realized this would be the first time I was watching Twin Peaks without David Lynch being alive. This has been said before by many, but it's so true - how special was it to be alive at the same time as him? To be part of something so unique with someone so talented and steadfast, and who was so true to their vernacular, was truly an honor. Lynch seemed so true to his art, and he made a successful career out of it, and did so in this mean-spirited world - wow, that's a rare person indeed.

    However, it wasn't just the loss of Lynch that hit me. The pilot is full of actors that are no longer with us, so many, in fact, it felt like a memorial of sorts. Norma (Peggy Lipton), Major Briggs (Don S. Davis), The One-Armed man/Mike (Al Strobel), The Log Lady (Catherine Coulson), Catherine and Pete (Piper Laurie and Jack Nance), Julee Cruise, Doc Hayward (Warren Frost), and I'm certain I'm forgetting someone, man oh man, was it distracting. It really brings things full circle in a sad way. These people were once young and vital and now they're gone. Thankfully, they left a beautiful piece of themselves with us to be cherished forever.

 
    Another takeaway was how much actually happens in the pilot. So many quintessential Twin Peaks moments and famous quotes occur in the pilot that set the stage for the whole series. When Pete finds Laura's dead body on the beach and calls the sheriff to say, "She's dead, wrapped in plastic," I think that might be the most iconic, or at least one of the most iconic, lines of dialogue in the entire series. Dale's famous arrival in the town, making a quirky recording - "Diane, 11:30 a.m., February 24th. Entering the town of Twin Peaks." Today of all days, Twin Peaks fans are living and dreaming in that quote. To me, however, the most interesting element of the pilot is the alternate ending aka UK ending.

    My understanding is the alternate ending was filmed to offer an ending in case the series was not picked up and aired as a movie of the week instead, particularly for the European market. Whereas the official ABC pilot ends with Sarah screaming as she wakes from a nightmare. This includes the famous accident with Bob's face in the mirror behind her. Boy that Bob really gets around. Nonetheless, this brilliant accident actually makes this moment so much scarier. However, the abrupt end in the ABC version just feels wrong to me. I always watched the pilot with the alternate ending and sort of viewed the entire ending as part of Dale's dream. That might not have been the intention, but it worked for me. 

    Another essential Twin Peaks moment in the UK ending is that it's the first introduction to The Arm (Michael Anderson) and The Red Room. It's sort of hard not to imagine him now as the creepy talking sycamore tree with an Eraserhead baby head from The Return. Regardless, he's in his dancing heyday in the pilot and I will always love it when that music starts to play. That's the vibe that really sends the viewer, figuratively, to another world - a dream world. Debatably, it's the most Twin Peaksy moment, atmospherically at least, from the original series.  

    

     Another scene I love from the alternate ending is when Cooper and Harry meet one-armed Mike in the hospital and show him the penciled rendering of Bob. When they try to dupe him by showing a fake Bob photo, of which I could not find a photo of online, Mike's upset, "that is not Bob," reaction always gives me a chuckle. Al Strobel really did have an incredible voice, didn't he? I can hear it in my head just by thinking of it. I almost feel a little choked up thinking about it because he was a lovely man, a talented actor, and again, so many of these people are gone now - it's hard not to feel some sadness.

    Some things I love about the pilot and alternate ending:

Ronette's famous walk off the bridge. 

When Andy says, "he's unarmed," as he introduces one-armed Mike to Cooper and Harry.

Donna's crying scene in the classroom when she learns Laura is dead.

Some things that seemed off-putting in retrospect:

Dr. Jacoby comes off extra creepy in the pilot - I like him more in later episodes.

Norma's flirty banter at the diner with Bobby seems out of character.

Mike openly abusing Donna at the Roadhouse seemed excessive - he also becomes more likable later.

    At the end of it all, in my return to the pilot I realized that it will never feel the same again. I don't mean that in a negative way either - it's just not possible for me to feel the same as I did when I first watched, nor can Twin Peaks itself ever be what it was in the 1990's. The Return certainly saw to that, as well as the passage of time. Now I can love it in a new way. I will look back on it when I need an old friend to comfort me. I will visit the town of Twin Peaks when I need to find my way home.

   In a final thought, Laura's abstract presence in the pilot as the dead homecoming queen was always what really attracted me to Twin Peaks. Like many other fans, her haunting storyline always echoed in the background and was the draw that made me seek more. At first her murder was just a mystery. I believed the anguish Leland expressed was real and I cried for the pain Sarah was in. Once I got to know Laura's story, I was lost in the sadness and terrified by the grim details; perhaps a bit permanently obsessed too. That intrigue inspired me growing up. It lit a fire in me that I didn't know existed beforehand. So now all these years later, after The Return has come and gone, and so many have passed, I don't know where I go from here. Is there more to say, to write, or express creativity? Well, as Dale says, "Like the song goes, so knows where or when." For now, I'll be in the shadows.

Happy Twin Peaks Day!